changed by you.

I am dying of thirst by the side of the fountain.



So many things to say that words cannot possibly express.
I don't know where I am. Where I'm going. Where I'm supposed to be. Or where I want to be.
All I know is that I'm here.
Does that make any sense?

I'm unsure that the path that has been laid out for me is the right one. Now yes, I know that the Lord has made it for me, but I cannot help but feel an immense amount of unrest. I'm struggling to enjoy the atmosphere I've been put in. I'm dying of thirst.
And yet I'm next to the fountain.
My frustrations should not be apparent. They should not exist and yet they do. I can't even be thankful, I must stay annoyed and upset. All of the time. Even running in the rain, my attempt to feel, failed. So where do I go? And what am I to do? I am calling out. I am screaming from inside and yet I don't know why nothing is changing. Why I'm not seeing something. Anything.
Why I can't even just be content. I have what I need. Or do I? I'd like to think I do but something in me says that I don't. Such questions, and thoughts that surround me. Such things I should not worry about, and yet I do.
Such doubts and confusion I am left with while I am alone.
So much of me is being changed. Opened. Released.
And no, I am not used to it at all. In fact I am frustrated. Annoyed. Irritated that it's happening. I didn't even get a warning. Or even a chance to brace myself.
It all just hit me at once.
And I am left wondering why. And hoping that the hopes I have are true. That they will come true in some sense. That I will, for once, maybe get what I truly desire.
For, if you noticed,
I never said I disliked what was happening to me.
Who knows, maybe frustration is the path to joy.
It seems as though that may be the case.



changed by you- between the trees